Out, out damned cat

We were called to a residence on the South side of town. An elderly lady' cat was stuck in a tree, she had called 911. We arrived on scene,  the lady was standing there in pink fluffy bedroom slippers, a house coat (with pyrogies and kobassa designs on it) (like paisley), her hair was in curlers. She had a moustache. It wasn't a real moustache, like a guys, it was the old Ukrainian baba stache.


She pointed up to the tree, 'My Pussy, my Pussy' she cried and pointed up. The crew got the ladder off of Engine 1 and placed it against the tree - rock, paper scissors to see who got to rescue the cat. I lost. I climbed the tree and I was really close to 'Pussy' she, it had to be a she, didn't like me trying to grab her, so she scratched my face. I tuffed it out and grabbed the bitch with my fire gloves, they are thick and lined.I was impervious to her claws. I got the damned cat out of the tree.


After I reached the ground I turned to give Pussy back to her owner, the old lady screamed! "Look what you did to her claws." she wondered off petting her Pussy and going there, there. 


It was better than the last time, she tried to kiss the fireman with her big red coated lips. She puckered up, 15 feet away and came at him. He was traumatised. 


 Morale of the story, next time on SCBA to prevent the claws marking the face. If pussy was scared of a fireman, she'll be terrified of someone breathing like Darth Vader.


A girl at work was going Ewww Ewwww when I told here the real story, so I improvised. the truth is, a Gillette razor had a blade break free, it was slashing me as I was shaving. 

Not sure, not sure of anything. I thought I was getting better after the deer incident, but now it is something that scares me every time i think about it.

The disturbing part is that the week before I was thinking of taking care of matters myself. I didn't. So when physics - relativity and gravity all failed to do it; I am wondering why.

When i saw the second deer, time didn't slow down, it just about stopped. I remember looking at the speedometer and seeing the speed. I was content, it was over. It wasn't going to hurt, I just relaxed.

Oh well, I am typing now.

I was at the Fire Course on interior fires on the weekend. The ride there was great and we took a longer way back, venturing into Saskatchewan for about 20 miles. I felt great riding. Sometimes I was the lead, sometimes at the back. I was content. Outside of Wainwright headed West though, I passed the guy in front of me. He was slowing down to 80 on a great corner and hill. Experience I guess.

This week I have a lot of homework, the course was supposed to be interior firefighting, but somehow it covers just about everything else. We have 50 questions on the exam drawn from 13 chapters of the book. The worst part is the wording of the questions. Nerds wrote the program that chooses the questions, so they attract nerdy questions.

On this Saturday we will be doing interior attack, with a fire and a hose. I thought the bulk of the course was this. Well we get one day :)

After the interior attack practical we get to do something different. This is related to interior attack, but something most firefighters should not be involved in as they are susceptible to being part of the event.

In Provost they have a Flashover Training prop. Basically the firefighters sit in there while a flashover occurs.

Watch the video - the doors were closed at the beginning to let the heat build up.

http://youtu.be/KcICp7_95n8

http://youtu.be/ZH0k-NthgTY

As the fire grew, temperatures quickly shot up from 90 degrees to about 300 above the fire and smoke started increasing. The smoke was nearly down to the floor by the time the last of our guys tied the regulators of their air packs into their masks. Now, it was just a matter of time. As temperatures in the upper room got up to about 600 degrees, the back doors of the flashover container were opened to let in some fresh air. Then the fire really took off and thick black smoke quickly banked down from the ceiling to about head-level where we were sitting (remember, we were 3 feet below the ground level of the fire-floor.) A fellow firefighter described being in there.

So anyway, believe it or not I am nervous about this demo. It is optional, all the other guys are 'Fuck Yeah!' and pretty excited to do this. The heat is so intense it can screw up the helmet, our Chief wasn't going to let us participate, due to equipment wear and well......burn.

Writing this blog was pretty good for me, I at least have seen some flashovers. I will be the guy at the back, I don't think I will be as close to the floor as the guy one the left in the training video.

But back to how I feel, am I content. I think I have come to the realization that for some reason, not apparent to me, karma has kept me alive. It surely can't be to be in anyone's life as I am probably just as alone as before. In fact, I think I have scared people off. 

How long am I going to let this continue, I am not sure. Maybe I'll complete all the courses and get to be a fully qualified Firefighter and then it can be over. It is at least a goal. It seems I only need 2 after this one. One of them is redundant after taking this course.

I didn't mention this, Monday I was so tired I came home from work and slept to 18:30, I then went to fire practice. At 21:05 I was home, I tried to watch TV, but was passing out. Slept all night. Today the same thing, came home from work, passed out.

Provost again

Well I am at fire training again in Provost. We are taking interior firefighting this time - with real fire.

The course appears to be a recap of all the other courses. There is a lot of studying for the test.

No practical this weekend, we are stuck in a classroom reading about how to do things. Oh well.

Rode bikes from Vegreville again. This time there were/are four. It was a dry ride, although rain was threatening about halfway.

pretty much a non-event on the homophobes side. I am avoiding them, there are more from the same department, as they appear to be avoiding me. But it is the classroom.

I was a scatterbrain at work, I started to wear headphones so that I could start and finish something. I didn't want to be rude, but people were asking for help on stuff I have nothing to do with. A severe case of ADD. I got taken out for lunch on Friday by two women. One, has just bought a moped. she had given me shit about driving too fast. :)

I went for a ride in the country to take pictures of an abandoned farm north of Provost on Saturday night after supper. I saw the farm when we were riding down, the sky was clear Saturday night. It was a good ride.

Before supper a gang of us had gone slack lining, this is a piece of webbing strung tautly between two trees. Then you walk on it like a tightrope. Not so easy, and when you fall off you run the risk of sacking yourself. 'Sack lining'
I managed to go further this week than the first attempts. Maybe I'll get good at it.

I have attached a video of a bike hitting a deer. The dialogue by the supporting cast is inane, but the rider was wearing a helmet-cam. The sound it makes is the sound I heard when I hit the deer.

So this writer has run 2 Marathons (.15% of Americans have run a Marathon). I could find no stats on hitting deer, on a bike, and surviving.

Better

Well after two days of trying I finally spoke to someone. I went to work today and left early for the appointment.

I rode to the city on the bike. Which was a bridge to cross.

We discussed various issues, but concentrated on bambi.

Turns out I did everything I should have done after the incident. The 20 minute ride allowed me to be somewhat coherent and then trying to find someone to talk to is the first step to recovery.

I feel better, no more rants lie yesterday. We have a few more meetings, he just wanted to hear the whole incident from my point of view, second by second.

Trauma works in funny ways and unless you get ride of it from your nerves and out of your body, it goes into your body.

The incident with the counselor was just one more thing in my overflowing glass, so my reaction was reasonable.

I am lucky to live in Canada and that I could get access. Could you imagine suffering from a trauma due to a war and coming home. A family physician and they refer you. Then you wait for two to three months. In Spokane there is a veteran waiting four months and counting and he is ranting and threatening frequently. And it is not his fault, he needs to speak to a health professional.

We have to treat our veterans better than that.

This is almost the same as blog title

I kind of am in shock after the deer incident. I went into work on Tuesday to get the numbers for employee assistance. I knew after being at work for 10 minutes that I wasn't going to be productive.

I wrote an email to explain what happened and sent it to various people, better than holding a meeting or saying it over and over.

I asked a guy on Fire Department if there were any incidents with animals on 16 Monday night. He said none, so I guess the deer is still wondering around, sore and with a turn signal.

I went to RCMP to see if they had anything, they had nothing. I had to see them later to do a report, but they wouldn't take one unless the damage was more than $2000. Which it does not appear to be.

Fire practice was Tuesday night. I told the guys about it. I don't think some believed me. I don't believe me and I was there!

So at work I called the employee assistance line. They were nice. I used them before and they asked if I wanted to see same person. I said sure. They checked availability and it appeared ok.

They asked about stress and suicide, I told them about the incident the week before and how it was better now. I said my concern was going from ultra low to manic in such a short period of time. They made me make an agreement not to do anything without calling. I agreed

Aspirations, the counseling service called back and left a message to set up an appointment. I was too late to book an appointment when I got message, I was at fire practice. I figured they could slot me in, so I took Wednesday off. They only have offices in the city.

This morning I called them at 9:03. I spoke to Linda. I identified who I was and told her I was referred. She found my file. Then she said they were denying me the service. If I wanted to make an appointment as a regular patient they would take me, maybe in June.

I called Heath Canada back. They said she was wrong. They asked for the lady's name and exactly what she said. I told them. They said they would try to find someone else.

Before I made the calls I was feeling good. I was thinking maybe I didn't need to go. But I knew I had to. When I hung up phone from Health Canada, I went back to sleep. They called a couple of times to say they were looking. I am not confident.

Of course, the reason why I wanted a counselor was to speak to someone I NEED TO SPEAK to someone. Not write it in a blog. I am tired of being alone. Why did I want to kill myself one week, get over it, almost get killed the next week? Why?

Monday, I got a text from a guy that had been in contact with me in December. We went out for a walk and talked about all kinds of stuff. He said he wanted to meet again, just not so far apart. I told him I was on fire courses this weekend and next. He was ok with that.

Of course I was happy about this. Even after the deer, 40 minutes later. But all good things come to an end, he has not answered any texts messages.

So now the cycle has shortened, it was 2 weeks up, 2 weeks down. Now I went from manic to 100% depressed in 12 hours. The bike can still start and I know there is room for both in the garage.

I am not sure I want to see the homophobes again, or if I can handle it

I have to post this

I left the city about 9 or so. It was still light out. Benefits of living in the North. The wind was pretty strong against me, but that's a good thing.

I was headed past Tofield turnoff and was looking at the manufactured homes in a field. I thought I should take a picture. There is a song called Little Boxes - if you hear song you'd figure out why I'd take a pic.

Anyway, there was a Red Neon in right lane, I wads passing her. The brake lights suddenly came on. I thought WTF. Then a deer ran across my path. I went whew, then another deer ran across my path, behind other deer.

I couldn't do anything. I thought whew, it's over.

I hit the hind flank of the deer. I was still up. It was like I hit a pot hole.
I did an assessment, the only thing different was my right mirror. It was askew. Then I saw the front signal, the left one was gone. The right one was broken.

I slowed from the speed I was going to a saner speed. The cars that were behind me kind of disappeared. I couldn't see them anyway as the mirror was screwed.

The bike appeared ok. About two miles up I saw an ambulance coming with lights on. From the East, I was headed East. I started to think, is this what death is like, you keep on going in a different reality. I needed to get home.

I got to Vegreville. No one visible at Fire Station, I didn't have access key. I then went to a friend's place. He is always in garage, he wasn't there.

I got to house, parked bike in garage, took picture and then started phoning people. It was ten, I had to figure out who would answer. 7 calls later I got someone other than a machine.

Whew. I am still a taxpayer.

Alaska Highway

I wound up taking a ride out to Highway 43, West of Edmonton, today. There is a some history as to why I did this.

A couple of weeks ago a group of us went for a ride out there. We passed a sign which said Alaska Highway and McKenzie Highway- we were on Highway 16 West of the Highway 43 exit. I wanted to stop and take a picture, but of course never got a chance.

One of the forums I am a member of had a new guy join from Alaska. He said he doubted that there was anyone close to him, North of the 58th, Vegreville is on the 53rd. This is kind of close, since all the rest of the guys live in the South of the US. I mentioned the sign I saw, and of course the guy googled the Alaska Highway and I was wrong. I give in, even when I am right, I know I am wrong. I discussed this with Thelma, he me to go take a picture.. I was supposed to do that yesterday, but wound up hanging out with my son.

Today I went to Tim Hortons, nothing happening there, no one to ride with. The sky looked kind of black to the West. I decided to see how far I could go, towards Highway 43.

I went down the Whitemud, the freeway through Edmonton. I haven't been on it in awhile, it is not handy to anywhere I want to go. When I got to the West end it joined up with the Anthony Henday - the ring road around Edmonton. A great ramp, bikers lean over and the cops catch us exceeding the posted speed limit. oh well. Not today.

I bring up the police as I was just riding, I wasn't speeding, I knew where I was going and had lots of time to get there. I took 16A which is like a milk run. The police were out in force in Spruce Grove. There was radar everywhere.

The sneaky part was a new shiny pickup parked in the middle of the highway sideways. It was a crew cab and the back passenger window was open. I knew a laser was there, there were too many cop cars around.

I didn't get tagged.

I got to the sign, it is just off the side of the highway at the start of 43. I rode by it. I had to do a u-turn. This is a holiday weekend and the people are starting to come home from the lakes. It was kind of busy to do a u-turn. There was sand on the road that cut across the median. I didn't wipe out.

I took off and merged into traffic at speed. This is the best part of riding a bike 0 to 120 kph in a very short span

Got to the end of 43, no way across median to sign. I had to go West on 16.

I then had to look for another road to cut across the median. 16 was WAY busier than 43! 0-140 in a very short period of time and then I had to get to right lane.

The ride in traffic back to Edmonton was fun, to say the least.

Victoria Day

I long weekend, as I look at it a vacation between four non-weekends. The next two weekends I will be in Provost doing an Interior Firefighting Course.

The weather has not been that good but I have managed to be on the bike.

I was in the city on Saturday and hung out with Thelma. We went to Junction for a Leather Event. It was arranged by a friend of mine, Rene. There were some presentations on various things. The Fire play was ok, but after it was over the place smelt of burnt hair. I guess that is a variation on waxing or shaving. It looks worse than it is. I had my arm lit on fire once, it doesn't bur.....if done right. It took awhile for all the hairs to grow back :)

You have to try a lot of things at least once. I can stroke that off my list.

After the event Thelma wanted to go home. I wasn't thrilled with a ride back the the Egg (Vegreville). He said I could stay there, so I took him up on it. Besides it was a different way to ride, after midnight.

The ride was a bit cool, but that was ok. The Northern Lights were out and the sky was full of blue light flickering.

Had a beer at Thelma's and then went to sleep. sunday, woke up and had breakfast with his sister and his friend from Toronto, Anita. They are waiting to get her into a home; she will be 90 this year. We joked at breakfast. Anita is lippy, but in a good way.

I lost my iPod on Saturday. This is the iPod I bought at the Apple Store in Chicago, to replace the iPod that walked away in Nashville. I really have to link to that blog, it is a story and a half. You have things on your bucket list you have to cross off. Two of them got crossed off in Nashville. Sometimes you don't even know you have them on the list, it is just something to do.

So I am using the iPhone for music now. I have to get the mega iPod with no internet, so I can store all my music on there.

Sorry, I got distracted again. Back to life. I rode into Edmonton and went to Starbucks and wrote a story - this was the second story in two days. I may have a book of short stories soon.

Nick asked to read my book. This was a job and a half. It is on a website, I forgot the URL. So I went to the laptop to find it. The iPad automatically deletes emails after a certain period of time. I am sure there is a setting for that, but I don't know what it is. The last time I sent myself an email with the link was a year ago.

Anyway, this should be simple, right? Log onto laptop get addy and send it to Nick. The laptop was acting up from the start and firefox (the browser) was acting up too. I wound up re-booting the ACER piece of shit four times. I replaced the anti-virus software, as it was a pig and slowed down the system.

I finally found the URL, I needed the email as the site had archived my story - this may be a good thing. I sent the link to Nick, Thelma and Nick in Germany. I figured I may as well. Nick in Edmonton is an artist, maybe I can get him to give me a picture for the cover. Then I could publish it on Amazon, they have self publishing.

I have read enough books from that site, I know mine stands up as good as some of them. Have to blow your own horn, sometimes.

Before writing the story, I texted my son, as we were supposed to hang out. After I finished writing the story (about 45 minutes) he texted me back and said to come over. See writing ain't that painful.

I went and picked him up, he rode bitch on the bike. He didn't want to, but I told him I didn't want to hang out at West Edmonton Mall on a sunny day.

We went to Whyte Avenue and walked for a bit, then went to a bar for a beer. Had a Moosehead as they were on sale. We sat in the window and watched the people walk by.

We decided to go to Avengers which was playing at West Edmonton Mall. The 5:30 show was packed. As is the case, per normal, i had a freak sitting n front of me. A korean guy, about 5'4, 130 lbs. Even though threatre was packed, prima donna managed to have two seats for his massive body. At the start of the movie, he used his mass to bang the principle chair he was sitting in back hard, three times. He hit my knee dead on. I just about hit his Elvis pompadour with my bike helmet. No, I was not banging his chair. It appeared he was marking his place in the theatre. Then he started to lay across the two seats and he had his head in the crack between them. He hit my knee again. I told him to smarten the fuck up. He was good for the most part except one time near the end of the movie when he stretched out and his head cam back almost in my lap. I said to him, Really?

The movie was good, I am not sure it was that great. There was a lot of background before the plot started. IMHO

After I dropped my son off I decided to go to Subway for a sandwich before heading out with Thelma to a drag show. Long story short: I ordered, person who speaks english as a second language messed up order; manager told me i had to pay extra; i said no way; manager was adamant; i went to another Subway. There was a time when the customer was right, not the person screwing up the order.

The drag show was ok, I had some Bud Light Lime Mojito beer, they were pretty good. Near the end of the show I got warm, like sick warm. I decided to take off and go home.

Today, I got up, mowed the lawn and then headed into the city. For once the wind was blowing from the East, so it was a great ride in. Normally I am fighting a wind. Probably will be on the way home.

Have to go, biking adventures and short story ideas need to be found.

I'm still around

Comme ci, comme ca week at work. I was off three days and worked two.

Tuesday was an unplanned day off, I basically slept all day. I got up to go to a meeting, which was cancelled. If I had known before getting up, I would have stayed in bed all day. I figure I hit the real bottom this time. I was afraid to go in the garage, as that is where I was leaning on doing it.

Wednesday night I was at a friend's place to install signal lights to replace the replacement lights on the bike. They keep breaking. This time I bought steel ones. We got them installed and the damned things didn't work! I said I'd see the bike place I bought them at on Thursday, when I went to city.

Things got way better on Thursday, I don'y know what happened. I went to a presentation for funds allocation for charities. We collect money in the Fire Department, had to know what we could spend it on.

I went to Canadian Tire to buy some other bulbs for the signal lights. I tried them, they didn't work. We determined with a voltmeter that there was power all the way up to the bulbs, why they weren't lighting?????

At the bike store the sales assistant was kind of flippant, sort of what do you want me to do about it. The manager was better. They sold these lights, we tried bulbs from another set. They didn't work, then another same thing. I tried the bulbs from Canadian tire, they were incandescent as opposed to LED, they worked. The bike store is going to find me some LED lights.

After bike store I went to Woody's, Thelma was there. He called me over. He asked where I had been, I told him. then I said the last text I sent to him went unanswered. Anyway, we made plans to hang out this weekend.

When I was headed back to Vegreville I got a text to go for Wings with some other friends. I did. We talked for a long time.

I was beginning to wonder what was going on. It was almost like a correction in my life, suddenly the aloneness was addressed.

So anyway, today I came into the city, the long way. It was a good ride, not very warm out, but not cold. I tried to get a place at two Starbuck's to no avail. Finally I got a place at the third, the busiest one in the city - Whyte Avenue. Lots of eye candy.

Nick, texted me unexpectedly and said that we had a picture in a magazine. I had to go get one. it is a good picture of him....I am going to burn all the pics of me ha ha

So anyway, I posted the pic, not cause I am vain. I am glad I am blogging this as it shows the pattern. When it rains it pours, but when it is dry, it is real dry.

I read a really good book - Sugar Baby Bridge - Brett Stout. It is a bout a Marine who is on terminal leave. He is at a gay bar in San Francisco. He gets picked up by a wealthy guy and spends a week with him. The character development is incredible. For about half the book I really identified with the main character, then we go to know too much about him. I differ from him a lot. I have had the opportunity to have met guys like the guy he went out with. It was amazing how similar the marine's experience was to mine.

The book was published in 2008 and there is a snippet of his next book. This was supposed to be published in 2008 or 09. It still hasn't been published.

I think he fell in love with his lead character, just like I did with the one in my book. Several attempts at writing a second book have failed. But I may get er done.

Well off now, to ride around city.

Thank God for bike therapy

Well I not not doing so hot, the bike is helping; but it is a steep hill.

I wrote this out, for some help from some other gay officers, in police and fire. It pretty much tells it all.

Well this has to be the place for this. I was on a training course for the past two weekends in a town South East of here. There is new money for area training, our department was lumped in with other departments in Central East Alberta.

Anyway, a little perspective here, Alberta is the most conservative Province in Canada, they'd vote Republican over and over again, and then bitch. The area I live in is affected by Edmonton, this is a liberal oasis in the middle of all the right wingnuts.

One of the Southern departments in our area borders on the Holy Roller christian portion of the province. They have no use for gays, they frequently refer to the 'Lake of Fire' as punishment for being gay.

There were five guys from our department and the other 9 were from the South. At the beginning you didn't know what anyone's full time job was, just that they were volunteer firefighters.

The training was pretty risk, controlling burning fuels, gas or liquid form. This involved getting up close and personal with the fire, to turn a valve off. It required teamwork and lot of safety.

The first weekend was OK, everyone got along, we had issues with the backup man not pulling his weight, a common fire problem, the guy holding hose just aims the nozzle, the guy right behind him is facilitating his aim. In other words he is moving the hose, at 475 kpa that is job.

One guy, who I had backed up a few times gave me some advice. He was a full time Highway Patrol officer and a volunteer firefighter. He kind of looked like a guy I went to school with, who was my best friend (he later joined the RCMP). So anyway, I never hit on the guy, but I did talk to him.

I thought he was like the Highway Patrol in the rest of the province, delegated for traffic offenses but defer to RCMP on the Criminal Code stuff. Doing the job I do I knew what to ask. He said they were delegated for everything, this was weird. But hey, he has a gun. This guy also rode a motorcycle and he was looking for people to ride with (he was about my age, single).

We stayed in the town as it was 3 hours from our town, so did the highway patrol guy and his co-worker. The town was small, it had one restaurant and then there was food available in the bars in the hotels. So we bumped into them a lot.

The second weekend was completely different from the first. First off, three of the five from Vegreville rode down on bikes, the other guys came in a van with the equipment. Vegreville is the largest town in the area. The other 4 guys in our group didn't seem to want to hang out with the other guys, this may have been a factor, I don't know.

Saturday morning, I said hi to the Highway Patrol office, he didn't even make eye contact, he walked past me to the classroom. Another guy, who was my buddy for equipment checks the previous weekend was cold as well. Normally fire guys always have on fire t-shirts. 'Buddy' had a a blue shirt with no fire logo, on the back it had 'Exit Only' and an arrow pointing down to his ass. He wore this shirt both days. Highway patrol's buddy (not highway patrol) would talk to me. There were about five of them there, I found out. The supervisor was the Chief of one of the departments.

Anyway, for this past weekend I felt like i had the plague. A conversation would end, or move away from me if I was near.

When we were doing hose practicing for the most part I was invisible, the highway patrol guy corrected me on something he thought i was doing wrong. Although the others were doing the same thing. But I adjusted.

We had the practical test in the afternoon on Sunday. I hate tests, my adrenaline was moving fast, I was on safety nozzle for first of what were to be 7 runs. It started off just as planned, Teacher gave the thumbs up for my position. One of the attack nozzles lost pressure from 475 so we had to back out. They decided to change the nozzle with mine, this was fun, on air (SCBA). Got it done. Sweating really bad now.

We got through the first run. I rotated to another position. The evaluator wanted anyone involved 'on air'. On 3rd run i was backup to attack. We were just about to start and my low pressure valve goes off. I had used up my air, I ran to the compressor room to refill. Basically anything that could have gone wrong, went wrong for me. I did fill the tank in record time and reported back. The evaluator noticed.

The practical test ended when a real fire occurred at a feed mill and they had to grab our pumper.

Anyway, I thought of this on the ride back and will probably think about this some more. i really think that the 'cold shoulder' was gay related. Somehow, one of these guys had checked with someone one the blue grapevine about me.

I just wanted to say, that no matter how good any of the other guys were, if we had a joint department fire with them, i would not want any of them backing me up.

My fellow department guys were probably oblivious to this. They are all Type A and wanted 100% on the written test, they were always studying (70% was pass). One of them was master of the what if's anyway.

Highway patrol is probably a closeted gay guy or extremely homophobic (net result the same).
In two weeks I am back down there for training, in interior firefighting. This it the one where your buddy drags you to a safe place - the practical involves a burning structure, practice does too.

So last week on the way hoe I learned that my bike is actually going 10 kph faster than I thought it was.

Armed with all that happened on the weekend, I was a completely different rider on the way home. After Wainwright I was doing just about 15 over all the way to Viking. I figured if th highway patrol had it out for me, they would know which way we'd be going home and get us. No tickets.

Another firefighter met us in Viking and they let me lead again, one of the guys from the course must have figured out something was up. He vowed for me leading again. I did say to another guy I felt the need to speed on 631. There is a beautiful banked double S turn there. When we got near the start of it I pulled over to let some cars that were on the road move along. I explained to the other guys I was going to blast it.

I took off, there was a song wind coming from the West. I was going along pretty good, I couldn't go the speed I wanted due to the wind. But I did pretty good. Kind of heard to really get into a corner when the wind is affecting you.

The guy in second tried to keep up, but he said I pulled away on him. When I was finished the curves, I slowed down to 20 below speed limit to let the rest catch up.

I was planning n heading to the city to hang out with my son after getting home. I texted my son on Saturday to ask if he were free on Sunday or Monday. No response. I saw him today and said it was hard to plan things with him if he never answers me. He can't text or answer phone at work, so when I try to contact him I think he is working.

I am basically getting pissed off at being alone. I have to work out everything by myself. I feel like a nag if I try to speak to one of my acquaintances or family about it. I spend a lot of time reading or watching TV/movies. Basically the only interaction with real people is at work.

So the bad thoughts have more time to form. Since coming out in December I can say nothing has got better. In facte it has codified the bad weeks, they are more regular. Roughly about every second week. Now I have started to think of the best ways to go. A nasty bike accident is not one of them, why should the bike pay for my f'd up life?

So with all the thoughts I had to rationalize them. If the Atheists are right and there is no God. Then suicide is not the sin that the Buddha would make it out to be. I am not an atheist but I can agree there is some merit to their lack of belief in a higher power.

If they are right; doesn't that make the person the judge of when to pull the plug, unless karma/bad luck does it for you? Is this an area anyone wants to go into, questioning the merit of pulling the plug. I feel guilty for even thinking it, let alone analyzing/rationalizing it. The guilt may be inherited from my Christian upbringing and current quasi-Buddhist belief.

Oh I did have one moment of clarity during the f-up that was yesterday: no wonder I am good at my job the karma is strong, the bad guys usually wind up on my desk. So why shouldn't a pile of things go wrong when I am being tested? Maybe it makes me stronger,
I don't know. I do know that riding around city today I am safer.

then there is this gem:

The top 5 regrets of dying people are:

1. I wish I’d had the courage to live a life true to myself, not the
life others expected of me.
2. I wish I hadn’t worked so hard.
3. I wish I’d had the courage to express my feelings.
4. I wish I had stayed in touch with my friends.
5. I wish that I had let myself be happier.

We made the paper

Well this is the last day of the dangerous goods course, the test is at 13:00 (practical & written). No one got hurt and we all had fun.

I have take to wearing shorts under bunker gear, it is a lot, repeat a lot cooler. The FD here lent me a helmet.

We trained on the tree yesterday, I thought it would be like the truck, but its not. The wind blows the flame all over the place. The fire looks like it is trapped in a snow globe. The attack line has water between firefighter and flame, the safety line (closest in picture) doesn't. It is hot.

We made the paper!

After the training was over we went for supper and then some line walking, like tight rope. It was pretty difficult, I tried it wiped out and then just took pics.

The guys were bs'ing. One started to talk about running Marathons. I asked if he had ever run one, he said no, but his mom is training to run one. This guy knows everything. He comes out with 'When you are training, you are not supposed to run on pavement or cement, it is too hard on your knees.'

I asked where you are supposed to run, he said anywhere but concrete or pavement. I asked about the marathon itself. He said that was ok. I said sarcastically good, I'd have to have to tell Vancouver & Edmonton they were doing it wrong. The face that I had run two marathons and 21 half marathons didn't seem to have any weight. I love 21 years olds.

I hate that when I am right and I know that I am right that I can't correct a person that is wrong. Three guys now think he is a guru. Knees were not what ended my marathon running, it was my back, besides I had run two and got the t-shirt.

We studied and watched youtube videos from the site Fail last night. What people will do where there is a video camera running.

Went to bed watching Weekend, Netflix finally worked. I made it half and hour into the movie and was asleep.

Provost again

Fire course, weekend 2. Today we will be using foam on fires. This is complicated, first you have to add the right amount of foam, water and air and then agitate it enough to effectively put out a fire.



I forgot my helmet. I was riding along behind Marshall on Highway 16, he had spare helmet on his sissy bar. I was looking at it and thought I should have brought my non-visored helmet. The I was doing the mental checklist in my head and ....... I remembered I forgot to pack my fire helmet when I was packing the bag. I used the bag this time, I bowed to peer pressure. Problem with bags fille with bunker gear, you can't see what's in them.

We are training at a fire department, I pray they have a spare, or it will be a fast ride back to Vegreville.

The ride was better than the last time, it was warmer and there was a lot less rain. We came down the zig zaggy way we went home last week. It was kind of tricky with no maps as it involved 3 road changes, the second one wasn't marked coming from the West.

The was a flock of Canada Geese flying just ahead of us, we couldn't hear them, they were way up. I am sure if they pooped it would feel like rocks coming down.

On Twitter I have had a friend for a couple of years, he lives in Illinois and works at a tourist Centre in Iowa; the has a cat Mr. Z. When I took the road trip to New Orleans last year, I passed by close to where he and some of his friends live. By the time I was out of Chicago I can say I was a little disillusioned on meeting on-line people. Something urgent always came up.

Anyway on the way back, I was thinking of heading that way, but due to events in Nashville which scared the shit out of me, I went straight to Chicago, I needed familiarity.

Anyway, Lord Byron is an older gentleman, retired. He was supposed to go on the Road to the Sun last year with his sister, but she got sick so the trip was cancelled. She later died. Part of my trip to Road to the Sun was inspired by Lord Byron.

Lord Byron always has a funny quip in the morning and sends it via Twitter to several friends. I remember getting them repeatedly over a couple of years.

A couple of weeks ago, I saw that he was saying he was sick. First he was coughing at home and the greetings slowed down. I asked if he was ok, he said he had a flu. Then he was waiting for a friend to show up, to look after Mr. Z, Lord Byron had to go for tests. He went in the hospital a couple of weeks ago. The posts from him on Twitter really dried up. Anyway he is very sick now, I hope things go ok. The advantage of Twitter and other online systems is that they allow people to have some companionship. Thanks Lord Byron for following the blogs and the tweets. I hope you defy the odds and stay around for along time. Hugs.

The picture is of the bikers at the Honey Pot, since I took the pic, my bike is in it, but I am not.

Sunday, fighting fire and ride home

Today was the practical training for the course. We had to have water streams on three props: a tree, a gas outlet and a truck. The number of students allowed for each person to sit out once during the rotation. I took some pics when it was my turn.

The first one is an art shot. We has a wall of water between us and the fire, this allows us to get a lot closer to the fire and normal. The people on the sides are the safety lines, they stop the fire from coming around the attack lines.  The two lines in the middle are on full fog. The overlap, they create what firefighters call a nice ass with a crack in the middle (look at the two middle streams in the second picture).

After several runs you need a break and to fill the air tanks.

When the class was over we took off home to Vegreville. 3 bikes and a support van. The other firefighters told us of a different route, i managed to find it. (it wasn't that hard, iPhones are handy - they have GPS and maps).

I found out that my speedo is not calibrated right, when it shows I am going 120, I am actually going 130. The support van told us that.

On Highway 14 between Wainwright (army town) and Viking is heavily populated with RCMP vehicles, handing out tickets. I thought I was going 120 in a 100, well , I thought. We passed 4 cop cars at around 130, they didn't slow down, when we passed the fifth, we were behind an SMV (slow moving vehicle, going 80 in a 100, when she saw the cop she slowed down. We slowed down.

Got home, I am wiped out.

One of the firefighters on the course is from Daysland, way South of here. He is single and a bike rider. He wants to head out to the mountains sometime. Nice straight run West from his place to Columbia Ice Fields Parkway.

Sunday Morning

Well the course is not what I thought it would be at all. I thought we were going to be in the white decontamination suits and doing stuff. Not even close.

We are going to be in full bunker gear and SCBA (Self Contained Breathing Apparatus) and getting close to a fire to turn off the fuel source. The fire would be on say a propane tank, as a group we'd get close enough to protect the officer or centre guy as they go forward and turn the valve off. In the picture we are standing in the set up area. We get within about a foot of that flame, two of us. 6 others are pretty close too.

The bunker gear is good for about up to 500 degrees fahrenheit. We should be good. This doesn't scare me at all.

It's going to be loud. We toured the facilities for the other course I have to take, confined space on fire. That looks scary.

In the class we did it in record time, the instructor just said we had more time to play. We are doing just water today and maybe some Class B foam next week.

Three of us rode to Provost from Vegreville. It is about 230 kms. It was touch and go if there were going to be three on bikes, one of the guys had never ridden in rain before. It was sunny Friday afternoon with some clouds floating around.

We came East on highway 16, I heard highway 41 was a great ride on a bike, we had to get to it. Near Mannville we met a big wet cloud. There was a huge rainbow, I was in the lead. While I was riding I noticed non-rain guy had slowed down. So I slowed down. I saw the rainbow getting bigger and bigger. It occurred to me that we may see the end of it. Dreams of pots of gold danced around in my head.

Alas Finnean's Rainbow and all thosse leprechauns lied. We saw the rainbow's end with it's misty start. No gold or cookies.

We stopped in Wainwright for supper This town's claim to fame is a huge army base. We were in an English Pub, called the Honeypot. I had Shepherd's Pie.

We left around 8:00 to head to Provost. The moon was big. It was to the East of us. The sky was clear. I had the urge to stop and take a picture, but didn't. Saturday night was supposed to be the big moon. So I didn't.

It rained most of the day on Saturday. No Super Moon pictures. this is a small town and the food choices are not great. Went to a small hotel and ate, as it had a restaurant, ours doesn't. This appears to be a guy town, very few women around. The bars are pretty dead. I think there are a lot of (oil well) service crews working out of here.

Le bien et le mal

Well, good things first. It was 21 years ago today my son Brendan was born.
I thought i'd share that night, from memories.

It was the days before I had a cell phone. On the Saturday night I went out with my ex's brother for some beers. The child wasn't due to be born for a couple of days, it was a Saturday, but I said I would check in.

We went out, I think it was to the Sidetrack for some Blues. I called home when we left there, nothing. We then went to another bar, and then a restaurant. It was early Sunday morning, I called again and was informed Mary was in the hospital. I dropped the brother and law off and headed to the hospital.

When I got to the hospital I found her. She was still in a room. The contractions were still paced far apart. The nurse measured and everything was fine, she said it would be a while yet. Famous last words. It was like Mary was waiting for me to show up, suddenly the contractions became stronger and closer together. I remembered a Bill Cosby comedy sketch basically with a lot of 'You did this to me!' screams by his wife during labour. I held her hand helped with the counting.

Soon we were moved to a delivery room. I went too. It was surreal in there, it just was. I did what father's get to do these days. Anyway, he came out pretty fast. I didn't know it was a 'he' before he came out. After he was out, they said congrats you have a son. My first words were 'Hey Brendan' We had picked the names about a month before. Brendan if it was a boy and Kaitlin if it were a girl. There is a story behind this, later. Kaitlin was the most popular girls name that year.

The nurse assigned to me checked me a couple of times and asked if I was ok. I was, no urge to faint here. I wasn't grossed out, it was just a thing.

After Brendan was out, they wrapped him up tight and told me to go with him for the inventory. They said you don't want to see what we are going to do.

I went to the room with all the babies in it. he was in a glass box. They unwrapped him, counted everything and pronounced him healthy. I helped clean him up.

I was with Brendan for a good hour and a half. When we were finished, they led me back to the room where Mary was. She was drugged, but she was a bit pissed off. She asked where we were. I can see her point, she did all the work and got to see Brendan for all of 30 seconds, and she couldn't even hold him.

The nurse gave him to me, I said 'Really?' Until now I had no indication that they were ever going to give him to me. I laid him down next to Mary. She was all smiles. He didn't cry that much, but he was hungry. Like a duck to water, he knew where the food was.

This weekend I have a Hazardous Materials course in a town 3 hours South of Vegreville. Brendan normally hangs out with his friends on Friday night and it being his birthday, I expected it to be the same. So I took Friday off work, so I could come in Thursday night and hang out with him.

Of course I did this without consulting with him. I tried to get a hold of him all week, to no avail. Finally Thursday he tells me he has to work at 6 am on Friday, so he didn't want to do anything on Thursday night. He said he was off at 13:00. So I said I would come in for after his shift.

There are five of us going on the course. Three of us have bikes and the other two guys were going in a van. Originally I thought they were going in a small car. I was trying to figure out all week how I was going to get full bunker gear and SCBA (the air tank and mask) to Provost on a bike. I could wear the bunker gear, except the boots, shifting would be impossible. I could also have the air tank on my back, that would be a picture! So the boots would have to go in a car, as I couldn't use a knapsack. I was working on this all week, then one of the guys driving said he had a mini-van he could use.

The weather had changed during the week, it looked like it was going to rain on Friday at the time we were going to leave. The other two bikers backed out and said they would go in van. I was still riding - said something about fair weather and riders, which led to jokes.

So I planned to come to the city, hang with Brendan, see the Avengers movie and then go back home, get bike and head to Provost. The weather changed again, so the boys said they were going. They were leaving at five. This screwed up the movie plans.

I headed into city, made good time, parked outside the workplace for my son and texted him.

Turns out he either didn't go to work today or got off early. He wasn't sure I was coming, so he didn't tell me. He was about 20kms from me, I think he had made other plans. I wished him Happy Birthday. I had told him about my schedule for the next two weeks and not being able to celebrate with him. To quote Harry Chapin 'he said that's ok Dad, that's ok.'

A mini rant, he has had a cell phone for over three years. He never contacts me, so I am always out of the loop. I am sure his mother knows what is going on most of the time - as he gets her to drive him everywhere.

But in the bigger scheme of things, this is my life. I spend most of my time alone. I am really getting tired of it. I volunteer to meet people, I join committees and volunteer at charities. The net sum is zero. I am the guy that is not invited to parties or even asked out for celebratory occasions.

I am reading a book, it is terribly written but it does deal with a character that is sort of like me. He was so into his work, he was not approachable. It turned out he was in the closet and he was wearing it on his face. I thought that coming out would make a difference, it hasn't. I do laugh a lot more and mock, but mostly it is mocking myself. I have tried to meet people to date, crashed and burned. I seem to attract people that are not free to date, even though they say they are. Why do guys lie? I basically live for the weekend and riding. The Fire Department wants to take up more weekends with courses. I guess I could dive right in and take them all. But that would just address one issue of my life.

That is where I am at. I really don't know where to go. What's worse, on a group i belong to a member posted a video about gay seniors - it looks like it doesn't get any better. The old age homes try to religion you up and get you back in the closet. At 56 that is a scary thought.

One good thing, I have some ideas
for stories, thanks to Nick, I will be writing in my down time in Provost.

Later, have to head back to get the bike, pack it up and ride.