It is what it is

Maybe I have found out the point of all the tension in my life, no it's not male menopause. Or a midlife crisis (is there such a thing?).

Well on the weekend I got lucky, no details. I just did. This was different though, I didn't make any effort to picking him up, he did all the work.
After it was done, I just avoided any talk of meeting up again. Ironic on True Blood Jason Stackhouse crashes a party at his girlfriend's house. She obviously didn't want him there. Anyway, Jason is a smooth guy. He picks up a woman at the party. They leave together. The girl obviously wants to do it with him. He finally says he will drive her home and they will not have sex. He will say things he doesn't mean and she will give him her phone number and he will say he will call. He tells her he will toss the number as soon as he is on the road and she will be hopeful for two weeks. He didn't want to do that. I digressed, but that scene resonated with me. No expectations.....from me anyway. We'll see how this works.

Last night I was at Fire Practice and I brought up an issue with the Chief. It is to do with a charity commitment. I am chair of the committee. I know that we have to confirm we will be part of the charity next year, by July 1st. There have been delays on anything to do with this committee. I told him we need quorum, and a copy of minutes if we opt out. All I got was negative stuff.
I was kind of disappointed. But then it dawned on me, I get too wrapped up in things. I care too much. People these days don't. 'It is what it is' is the mantra for today's society.

With regards to committee I know two things, I am not the chair next year and I have done my share this year. I am not going to worry about it. If the club gets stuck with the commitment, 'it is what it is'.

I just avoided getting in shit today at work. I got a question from the people at headquarters. It was a routine one. I answered the first question, they replied with another one. I sent it to my manager. This is regarding the same issue I encountered in December, when I wound up getting a written reprimand.

I am not sure they want me on the Dark Side aka Immigration Consultant. If I were them, I wouldn't. It is what it is.

i am in the city today. I am going to a Pride event hosted by Edmonton police Service. The Chief of Police will be there, it is for community relations. I got dressed up! But I did ride bike, no chaps, so now I have dead bugs on me. Cold water to wash them off.

After the Police affair I have the Rainbow Gallery affair to attend. Nick has some art there, I think. He was painting some stuff to display there. I am sure he will be there.

I met a guy online...(why?!?!?!?) Anyway, he was an artist, motorcyclist and not part of the community. Sounds like me, but not the art. I asked if he were going to the event. He had not heard of it. Then something happened to the messages, a server issue. Communication got all screwed up.
At a fire scene this would be a disaster, in real life, It is what it is. When I tried to clarify something, as a person would reasonably do, I got sarcasm. I guess karma screws with internet sites too.
Needless to say, I won't be chatting with him anymore. Was that McAfee protecting me? I wanna know.

Texting is even worse. You text people, it doesn't matter what age, and they treat it like email. 'I'll get to it, when I get to it.' (the mantra). So here I am on my bike waiting for a response and........

People have phones and are always checking them, for messages. But they appear to only want them from new people. They never want to finish a conversation they are in the middle of.

When you see them again, they asked what happened. I show them the 'dangling conversation' - Paul Simon, thanks for the words. Go to the link, it really is a beautiful song.
http://www.songmeanings.net/m/song/7377/

Well I am off, maybe I should have worn the chaps, i'd have less bugs on me. It is what it is

Quick update

Nothing goes as planned. I could not get in touch with Thelma, the Android phone has issues. The iPhone that drove him nuts always worked though. I wound up making other arrangements to sleep. Not the best, but.

I woke up and was worried where to put my knapsack. I was going to ask someone to store it for the ride, but I have to learn not to depend on people. I ask too many favours. I was riding down Jasper and thought of bus station. I didn't think you could store stuff there anymore, due to terrorists. Then I thought they'd be doing Edmonton a favour by leveling that place. There was a locker $6 for 12 hours. Woot

Bear Beer Bash was ok. Saw Nick, Brian and Thelma showed up. It was an underwear party. I had chaps on and underwear, which was not the same effect adjust underwear. I think I was legal to ride home.

I am at McDonalds, using their WiFi and having coffee. Meeting up with bike gang to head to Garrison in a group, so we can ride in a group.

Sun is out now, but farmers need rain and they are praying for it. Looks like they have an in with God.

Friday the 8th

Well the week went OK. I am having trouble concentrating on work. I am easily distracted.

I went to the Doctor on Tuesday and we had a good chat. At the end though, as the depression thing isn't getting any better he asked about pills. The anti-depressant variety. I told him I couldn't commit to those. He said that I needed to do something. I was having trouble to committing to exercise, well not all exercise. I 50 pushups every morning, but they don't appear to be having an effect on the D. Prozac was mentioned, he did admit that he would have to test a couple. I same months of taking pills.

We discussed the fact the my mother was bi-polar and I asked it it was hereditary. He said it could be. I have always been cognizant of this and been pro-active. This the running, biking, swimming, weights etc.

I committed to doing exercise, to avoid the pills. The pills have side effects, libido is one of them. I have dated guys on pills, it is strange. There are issues, and they are not good ones; well in my opinion.

I am writing this at Starbucks. I left work early, I wanted to do some things before I headed to the city. 1/2 hour on a treadmill. I buzzed my hair. I packed a knapsack and took the long way into town. I was kind of hoping to drop the knapsack off at Thelma's, I may be staying there on the weekend.

This weekend it pretty busy, there is the Ride for Dad on Saturday. 12-1700 bike riders headed all over the place. It is to raise money for prostate cancer. When a woman at work hear I was doing it, she wanted to sponsor me. I made $130 in pledges in 20 minutes. Imagine if I had tried. That takes care of the cost of entering event, which I had already paid. I guess it is a donation.

Friday is the start of Pride Week in Edmonton. aka Gay Pride Week. Tonight there is a beer bash at The Junction. Thelma and I are going to it. I am leaving early though as I have to be up early for the bike ride.

Saturday is the Pride Parade, it is getting better every year. I am headed to it after the bike ride. There is a beer garden by city hall, this is always a fun event.

In the evening there is a big bash someplace. I am headed to it. It may sound manic, but after 4 out of 5 weekends with straight firefighters I need some me time.

Speaking of the firefighters....This week we had to do a Bingo. We volunteer to sell bingo cards etc. For this the Fire Department club get s money for equipment and training. The club wants to do it. It is a struggle to get guys to work.

The positions were all full. Tuesday night I had trouble sleeping, I got about 2 hours. I left work early and was sleeping when the phone buzzed. A guy wasn't showing up, he apparently made a physio appointment in the afternoon and decided not to go to bingo. He should find a replacement, he didn't. I would up doing it as no one else responded to my calls and emails.

I took the position that gets out early, I am the chair of bingo, I can do that.

On the weekend the female firefighter who was on the course was having issues. She arrived late at the meetup on Friday night, she managed to grab a mask that didn't fit her. This caused her endless amounts of problems on the weekend. The guys on her crew were not nice to her. She wound up crying. I gave the guys shit and asked them to lay off her, as there was nothing we / she could do. They did.

Bingo night she showed up 5 minutes late. She saw me sitting where she anticipated sitting; I knew as she had done that job for the previous 6 bingos.
I guess she was pissed off, she went to Tim Hortons for a coffee and probably3 or 4 cigarettes. We had to look for her when selling time came.

About 8 o'clock she starts freaking about her son, who she does not have custody of, being in the hospital. She wanted to see him. By 8:15 she was manic. She tried to get me to stay to cover for her. I said no. I don't say no easily, but I could see through this. There was no mention of this before 8.

The person in charge of the bingo, a staff position let her go as we had young guys who were on the ball working.

I would have kept her there, the hospital the kid was in is 40 miles away and visiting closes at 9. She lost custody of kid to her parents as she was unfit. The Deputy Chief watched her do this; the Chief will be informed. My main concern, this is the club and it represents how the public sees the Fire Department. The guy that didn't show and the woman do nothing to help the public's perception.

My bike got the worst gas mileage ever! Guess where I last filled up? At the Husky Station in The guy who owned the place, selling gas at $130.9, when it is $110.9 in Vegreville; was pissed that I was using debit card for under $10. He (in my learned opinion, a Korean) started to whine. Hardisty is the storage tanks for ALL the gas in Alberta. Why is it the most expensive place for gas? He is ripping everyone off. And his bathroom was out of order.

Rant off. I am declaring this a stress free weekend (let's see how long that lasts!). I will see Brendan on Sunday, I better anyway.

Tuesday Afternoon

I'm just beginning to see, now I'm on my way. It doesn't matter to me, now I'm chasing the clouds away.

Believe it or not that song goes through my head every Tuesday afternoon. Had to share.

I am in the city. Have a doctors' appointment. I came in early so that I may take the bike to the dealer to get a quote.

In Alberta, in order to get a police report, the damage has to be more than $2000.00. In order to make an insurance claim, the company needs a police report. Do you see this nice little catch-22 forming up?

I went to the dealer and they priced out my bike, they got to $1200 but they couldn't get a price on the fender and another metal part. Guess what, they have to be made!

I take my pieces of paper to the Edmonton Police Service (you'll know why I used the S word in a minute).

Office, no I am not going to badge him, was at the counter at the Station. First off, English was his second or third language. I explained my case to him.
He was really strict on the $2000.00 - he suggested $1800 & $1900 I said it could be that, as there were two steel parts they couldn't give me a cost for. Constable detective then told me he knows all about bikes. I was packing up my stuff, I knew this was going nowhere. He wanted a detailed quote from the dealer. The type of detail detective constable wanted would involve the bike being dismantled at $105 an hour, for about 3 hours. The lights in Dudley Do-right's brain didn't clue into this, $315 plus tax added to my $1600 was going to take me over the top - let alone if the frame were bent. I said thanks and headed to the RCMP.

They took my report, the officer actually was a bike rider, so he knew what I was talking about. They could not figure out why insurance company required a police report in order to do a claim. The insurance companies must pay officer EPS to ensure there are no biker claims. There I feel better.

The Edmonton Police used to be called Edmonton Police Department - EPD. I suggest anymore of these guys at a front desk, that maybe Service is the wrong name; Department is more apt.

Sunday was a pretty good day after all. I wrote the test, there were some easy questions and some hard ones. There were 10 questions on wild land fire fighting, on this course. WTF it was supposed to be interior.

The practical tests went well, for our crew. We did what we were supposed to. I avoided nozzle, my replacement though almost blew it for us. He refused to shoot water when ordered; until i almost took nozzle from him (I am not going through this twice!).

The phobes though, they didn't do so well. With military precision whey whipped through the first two practical tests. On the third, the had issues. This was not a minor issue, in fact the tester just about failed them. One of their radios jammed up on an attack team. They were incommunicado for about 20 minutes. They sent in the Rapid Intervention Team to check on them.

When it was over, the instructor tore a strip off them. Then the tester did. Basically on the safety side they failed miserably. Safety is job one, we don't need to be rescuing the rescuers.

Last night at Fire practice they wanted me to start another course. It would involve this weekend. I resisted. I told them I have been on courses for the last 4 out of 5 weekends and I need time to de-stress. I hate to make a grown man cry, but oh well.

This weekend is the start of Edmonton Pride and it is a motorcycle rally. I told instructor guy I was busy this weekend a couple of months ago. He didn't take them into consideration when planning. Turns out he has 6 people on the course, out of 40 that need it. I asked if I could challenge exam, as the course material was covered in the last course I took. He said no.

It was pouring today on the ride in, it looks like it is about to start up again. That's ok - it is not cold.

Picture was taken on the West side of Provost. The sky really is much bigger than in the picture, it was a nice blue. The ride home on 13 was incredible. We passed a whole pile of geodesic domes in the middle of a field. If an explosion were to occur there, it would create a huge crater and affect Earth's rotation. I think they should cut down more trees, in case of a forest fire.

Last thing, after that course I am more confident as a firefighter. I has not qualms crawling around with zero visibility and attacking a fire when you encounter it.

Sunday morning

Saturday was an up and down day. This course in the short form is called Interior Fire Attacking. In the real world that is one facet of this course. The main purpose is a review of everything else you know. This is fault logic. Enforce course requirements for per-requisites and limit the course to interior attacking.

First scenario, I was on attack. This means I was the guy with the hose fighting the fire. Had to do a search of the building, crawling, dragging hose. You want to know what this is like, put a bag over your head and try to crawl from kitchen to bathroom.

I get to fire, instructor says Indirect attack. I open nozzle, it is on fog. Why you ask, before entering building I asked Officer for nozzle setting as I was going to ensure it was right. He said do it at fire, I trusted the guy.

At fire trainer tore a strip off me. Officer then mocks me after the scenario. Friend of officer says its easy, just change stream as you are shooting water. On attack, due to steam issues, the nozzle is open for seconds. Not enough time to change stream.

Second scenario, I am officer. I still had to go first. It was ok. I decided I never want to be officer.

Through the two scenarios I learned that I am ok on air in a dark space and heat.

The flashover chamber was last. This was the one I was really nervous about. All I knew is it got hot, 1200 F above the thermal layer. It can do this in your house. Firefighters stay low, where it is 500 F. That's why we wear the attractive gear.

We were in the chamber for what felt like 1/2 hour. Sitting against a wall we watched the fire go from campfire size to where it started to cause particle board to off-gas. Fire doesn't burn wood or fuel, it burns gas. The gas is created by heat.

As it got warmer we saw the off-gasping start. Then smoke formed at roof and started to build. There were times when the smoke woke stratify with layers of white smoke and then clear space. It was better than 3D.

After a bit it got black, we could not see fire anymore, just smoke. We had to let temperature build for a flashover. It was boring, I was controlling breathing to make sure air lasted. After awhile I wanted to have a nap.

We were sitting there waiting to use water to cool down fire, to allow escape. The training is for what to do to survive a flashover, not put the fire out

There were ten of us, we rotated around and had a chance at the nozzle. When it was my turn I saw the fire. I also saw the flashover. Close to the ceiling was a beautiful fire, it was dancing like the Northern Lights, it would flare towards you and then go back. Always moving. It didn't like the three fog sprays and then the three straight stream sprays.

Their job is to cool the fire enough to let firefighters escape. The fog sprays cool the fire enough to allow the straight stream get through 1200 degree heat and hit some fuel.

I survived. It was hot, but I was nowhere near as hot as I thought I'd be. The scene ended with a steam out, where water is fogged on to create steam. Water drops multiply by 1700 in a normal fire, 42000 in a flash over. Steam burns. This was to show what happens when attacks aren't coordinated.

The phobes all banded together as a unit. They didn't like that our crew was always the first to do a scenario. The head phobe visibly was pissed off. I smiled, karma is a bitch.

Went for supper with firefighters from Mannville. I am still not amused by officer from first scenario. Avoidance was good. Karma got me back, we were at the only restaurant and were getting seated when the phobes came in. The Mannville guys said we should join them. We did. We listened to head phobe talk, he likes to talk. He talked a lot. He was kind of cute in a way. On way back to hotel the Mannville guys said man, can that guy talk.

The facilitator for the flashover was Hugh. He had the nicest smile and no question was too stupid.

Bottom line, training is training. It is where you screw up. It is better to see the results of your screw up in a controlled environment than in a real scene, where people can die.

And

I guess the deer did more damage to my bike than I thought. The front fender is bent down, barely clearing front wheel. It is symmetrical though. I didn't notice till I parked bike next to another bike like mine.

Firefighters, being firefighters always are examining the bike and noticing things. This brings me back to the event.

It's like picking at a scab.

Stress

Well I found out your body is like a big bank. But unlike big banks, your body can only hold so much. Once you reach your limit it doesn't take much.

I reached 95% with the deer. This week I felt like a stress magnet. I couldn't sleep one night and wound up going to work late. Two nights I got home from work and went straight to bed. They weren't the nights that I couldn't sleep

So where is all the extra stress coming from?

The fire course has a lot, but not all. We have half a manual the size of a phone book (big city) to know. There is a computer generated test with 50 questions on anything covered. I did do homework.

Today we have to do interior attack in a fire. This involves darkness, zero visibility, smoke, hidden obstacles, fire and air (by way of SCBA). The air lasts 20 minutes if you aren't straining. This is a lot of physical stress as well as mental.

Later we are voluntarily going into a flash over chamber. Voluntary, yeah right. I was not really on board for this as it is something I didn't need to know. But I did research and feel better about it now. As long as I can get out.

At work I am co-chair of a management / employee committee. I am on the employee side, but I am not a shop steward. The rest of the employee reps are. We had a big meeting on Wednesday. The Terms of Reference were on the agenda. This is like the Constitution. Before the meeting management and the union were having their strategy sessions. I wasn't invited, nor did I want to be. But the union got a hold of me and expressed there concerns. We got the Terms on Tuesday afternoon, not enough time to review, in my opinion.

The union started to pressure me. I told them as the document stood I was not willing to support/adopt it.

On this committee is a member who's sole objective is to stoke a war between union and management. This member takes everything negatively.

Anyway, at the meeting I am the Chairman. I adjust agenda and we start. On a housekeeping issue the fun starts. Anti-management goes on about a reprimand they got. I was going to ask if it were written or or oral, but I figured the management person could deal with this. Oh the union president was there. I figured this person wanted to put on a show, I didn't help them.

We got to the Terms of Reference and had a round table. For my part I had written my issues on the document and had it there. Management said it was a draft. I looked at it, Draft was not anywhere on it. I said I took this to be the results of a sub-committee. Turns out it was the result of a manager outside that committee and our committee. So we were tabling it. But, this document has been an item for 8 months. One of the sub-committee member's term expires in September. I told them I wanted this done by August. I ruffled some feathers, but I had a point. There is a deadline of next week to have all the recommendations submitted to the sub-committee. Maybe then we can have a better document to work with.

We got to Provost last night and got our rooms. It was a good ride. But some stressed was piled on me, stuff that would be normally handled blew up. I just about bailed on the course.

Speaking of bailing, a member of the workplace committee bailed. I wanted to, my supervisor told me that I should. I didn't figure it was a good time.

After this weekend it will be better.