It is what it is

Well I am back home, this is not where I was supposed to be.  This is going to be going into a lot more gay issues than many of you may want to read. But I can't ignore it. I thought it was going to be a short post too....

On the iPhone and other 'Smartphones' are apps - they are for gay men to find other gay men. They use the GPS functions of the phones. Now I have a different way that I think these apps should work, I should market my own. Anyway,  there are several, GRINDR, Scruff, GROWLR - if you have an iPhone go to APP Store and look them up, they pretty much explain their purpose.  I have a love/hate relationship with these apps. A guy has a profile which states what he is looking for, like any dating site. Your sign in to the app and if you go some place it shows other people with the app on their phone, and how far away thy are. This leads, or could lead to a lot of casual sex. Newsflash - gay men meet up for sex, and then never see each other again. This is the picture the Religious Right has and this where they want to keep gay men. The opposite of this is gay men meeting and getting married and not doing this.........the Religious Right does not want this. Who would they blame for Earthquakes, AIDS, etc. One comment on the AIDS thing, the group least likely to contract AIDS are lesbians - this is like a basic flaw in their argument, a faulty foundation. 

So anyway, I don't use these apps for the casual sex. If I get a 'Hey' and then a 'How big is it?' I just don't respond. One guy in Edmonton does this, and then asks how big your feet are - oh well. 

So I have a profile that basically says some stuff about me and that I am not looking for casual sex. Most of the responses come from people so far away that nothing would ever happen (unless you were to drive to New Orleans - not that anyone I know would do that). BTW when I said let's go for coffee to various people in various cities along the way, well lets just say there were a lot of 'grannies dying'. 

So last week, Thelma and I were at Woody's. The iPhone had GROWLR turned on. The GPS sent out a signal and I was pinged by a couple of people, as I was in the 'Nearby' category as opposed to 'Online' (could be anywhere in the World). One person started to have a conversation. I responded, over the past week he has been asking how I am. He made sure he messaged me a couple of times a day. Even with the fires, he was checking up on me. So Wednesday he asks what I was doing Friday night. I said I had planned to head to the city on Saturday for a party at Junction. He said we should meet up on Friday. I said I’d let him know on Thursday, little did I know I would be fighting a fire all night. Anyway, when we were cleaning hoses, I sent a message I would go into Edmonton.

Friday, I went to work, I was still beat from the fire the night before. After work I came home and had a nap. I was starting to have those second thoughts, you know the ones….my grandmother died or something like that. I finally said to myself, you can’t bitch about not dating if you never show up.

I messaged him from Starbucks, I said I was writing, I actually was – yesterday’s blog was written there. He said he would meet me there. I looked through music on iTunes on the iPad and he showed up. This is a good start.

We went to O’Byrnes, an Irish bar on Whyte Avenue. I told him we would not be going to a gay bar if we went out. He was ok with that. He drove there as he parked in a place where he’d get a ticket.

I  had a couple of Guinnesses and he had some Traditionals, both dark beers. We chatted and looked around. I was checking the layout of the bar as the short story I am in the middle of writing starts off there.

This Pub is full of people of British origins. I overheard a conversation about work permits spoke by someone with a thick Irish accent. It is a mixed crowd, a lot of men. Ladies go there to get picked up. It is not really a gay place….or so I thought. Our bartender, Paddy, who knew, and guess what, he was Irish too! Well he was a happy go lucky guy and always seemed to be in conversations. I wasn’t sure of the correct protocol to get another beer, calling out didn’t’ get his attention. I did the Irish thing, held the empty glass up. Well anyway, at the end of his shift, which ended about 10, I guess. That was weird, but what was weirder was the bar manager, a red-headed bespectacled guy coming over and giving him a hug and a kiss. This was not quick, the hug lasted about a minute and they were talking to other people.

Things have changed. The bar was crowded and not one peep of negativity.

The date and I decided to go back to his place. Well actually it was a foregone conclusion, he offered me a place to stay when he was messaging me (he has a spare room).

We went back to his place, which is ironically in the same place my Mother used to live. We did a lot of stuff I will not go into, basically we were in the bedroom.

Things were going great, first base, rounding second, headed for third when WHAM tagged Out by the speedy shortstop.

The date had an abscessed tooth worked on earlier in the week and it was still sore. He was on Tylenol 3’s – his jaw got sore – No not from that! Just from kissing. Well once it started it got progressively worse. I tried to console him, but that didn’t work. I asked after a half hour of this if he wanted me to leave. He said not. But about 15 minutes later he said I should go.

I get dressed and when I got the phone I saw that Toby had texted me and said she was going to the Alberta (the bar out the front door at home). I said I was just leaving Edmonton. I knew I had to motor to get a beer. I made it with time to spare.

Toby has a new guy she is seeing. He was sitting next to her when she asked how was my night; I did a brief rundown of the above, not gender neutralizing it. She looks at guy, and then I said, BTW I’m gay. He said he figured that.

We had a good night, he is into motorcycles, owns three. We closed the bar and I came home.

It was not all for naught. I learned some things, I did nothing wrong in this. I put myself out there and was open. I didn’t try to make it fail, just the opposite. I did however not want to go all the way on the first date, I think he did. I will make that clearer.

I learned that I can go to O’Byrnes and it doesn’t matter about who I am interested in. This is a good thing, because the gay bars in Edmonton are like a bad addiction.

I learned you can meet people on the apps, but perhaps the old tried and true is better.

Tonight is Bear Bash, it is a party at Junction. I am going. I don't think the date is going, but if he does. Oh well. I am prepared to roll with the punches. 

Life's what you make it.