Not sure, not sure of anything. I thought I was getting better after the deer incident, but now it is something that scares me every time i think about it.

The disturbing part is that the week before I was thinking of taking care of matters myself. I didn't. So when physics - relativity and gravity all failed to do it; I am wondering why.

When i saw the second deer, time didn't slow down, it just about stopped. I remember looking at the speedometer and seeing the speed. I was content, it was over. It wasn't going to hurt, I just relaxed.

Oh well, I am typing now.

I was at the Fire Course on interior fires on the weekend. The ride there was great and we took a longer way back, venturing into Saskatchewan for about 20 miles. I felt great riding. Sometimes I was the lead, sometimes at the back. I was content. Outside of Wainwright headed West though, I passed the guy in front of me. He was slowing down to 80 on a great corner and hill. Experience I guess.

This week I have a lot of homework, the course was supposed to be interior firefighting, but somehow it covers just about everything else. We have 50 questions on the exam drawn from 13 chapters of the book. The worst part is the wording of the questions. Nerds wrote the program that chooses the questions, so they attract nerdy questions.

On this Saturday we will be doing interior attack, with a fire and a hose. I thought the bulk of the course was this. Well we get one day :)

After the interior attack practical we get to do something different. This is related to interior attack, but something most firefighters should not be involved in as they are susceptible to being part of the event.

In Provost they have a Flashover Training prop. Basically the firefighters sit in there while a flashover occurs.

Watch the video - the doors were closed at the beginning to let the heat build up.

http://youtu.be/KcICp7_95n8

http://youtu.be/ZH0k-NthgTY

As the fire grew, temperatures quickly shot up from 90 degrees to about 300 above the fire and smoke started increasing. The smoke was nearly down to the floor by the time the last of our guys tied the regulators of their air packs into their masks. Now, it was just a matter of time. As temperatures in the upper room got up to about 600 degrees, the back doors of the flashover container were opened to let in some fresh air. Then the fire really took off and thick black smoke quickly banked down from the ceiling to about head-level where we were sitting (remember, we were 3 feet below the ground level of the fire-floor.) A fellow firefighter described being in there.

So anyway, believe it or not I am nervous about this demo. It is optional, all the other guys are 'Fuck Yeah!' and pretty excited to do this. The heat is so intense it can screw up the helmet, our Chief wasn't going to let us participate, due to equipment wear and well......burn.

Writing this blog was pretty good for me, I at least have seen some flashovers. I will be the guy at the back, I don't think I will be as close to the floor as the guy one the left in the training video.

But back to how I feel, am I content. I think I have come to the realization that for some reason, not apparent to me, karma has kept me alive. It surely can't be to be in anyone's life as I am probably just as alone as before. In fact, I think I have scared people off. 

How long am I going to let this continue, I am not sure. Maybe I'll complete all the courses and get to be a fully qualified Firefighter and then it can be over. It is at least a goal. It seems I only need 2 after this one. One of them is redundant after taking this course.

I didn't mention this, Monday I was so tired I came home from work and slept to 18:30, I then went to fire practice. At 21:05 I was home, I tried to watch TV, but was passing out. Slept all night. Today the same thing, came home from work, passed out.