This is almost the same as blog title

I kind of am in shock after the deer incident. I went into work on Tuesday to get the numbers for employee assistance. I knew after being at work for 10 minutes that I wasn't going to be productive.

I wrote an email to explain what happened and sent it to various people, better than holding a meeting or saying it over and over.

I asked a guy on Fire Department if there were any incidents with animals on 16 Monday night. He said none, so I guess the deer is still wondering around, sore and with a turn signal.

I went to RCMP to see if they had anything, they had nothing. I had to see them later to do a report, but they wouldn't take one unless the damage was more than $2000. Which it does not appear to be.

Fire practice was Tuesday night. I told the guys about it. I don't think some believed me. I don't believe me and I was there!

So at work I called the employee assistance line. They were nice. I used them before and they asked if I wanted to see same person. I said sure. They checked availability and it appeared ok.

They asked about stress and suicide, I told them about the incident the week before and how it was better now. I said my concern was going from ultra low to manic in such a short period of time. They made me make an agreement not to do anything without calling. I agreed

Aspirations, the counseling service called back and left a message to set up an appointment. I was too late to book an appointment when I got message, I was at fire practice. I figured they could slot me in, so I took Wednesday off. They only have offices in the city.

This morning I called them at 9:03. I spoke to Linda. I identified who I was and told her I was referred. She found my file. Then she said they were denying me the service. If I wanted to make an appointment as a regular patient they would take me, maybe in June.

I called Heath Canada back. They said she was wrong. They asked for the lady's name and exactly what she said. I told them. They said they would try to find someone else.

Before I made the calls I was feeling good. I was thinking maybe I didn't need to go. But I knew I had to. When I hung up phone from Health Canada, I went back to sleep. They called a couple of times to say they were looking. I am not confident.

Of course, the reason why I wanted a counselor was to speak to someone I NEED TO SPEAK to someone. Not write it in a blog. I am tired of being alone. Why did I want to kill myself one week, get over it, almost get killed the next week? Why?

Monday, I got a text from a guy that had been in contact with me in December. We went out for a walk and talked about all kinds of stuff. He said he wanted to meet again, just not so far apart. I told him I was on fire courses this weekend and next. He was ok with that.

Of course I was happy about this. Even after the deer, 40 minutes later. But all good things come to an end, he has not answered any texts messages.

So now the cycle has shortened, it was 2 weeks up, 2 weeks down. Now I went from manic to 100% depressed in 12 hours. The bike can still start and I know there is room for both in the garage.

I am not sure I want to see the homophobes again, or if I can handle it